Taken
by tin
Summary: the whys and wherefores of wanting


Taken  
by Tin Mandigma  
  
  
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Imadoki copyright Yuu Watase and other related enterprises. This fanfic was  
written for entertainment purposes only.  
  
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NOTE: This happens after the latest two Imadoki installments (January 2001 and  
February 2001 Shocomi issues, I think ^^;;) so SPOILERS abound! A lot of thanks go to   
Neko-chan and Hinagiku-chan for their summaries XD XD. Please note that this fanfic   
is my version of what happens after Kouki runs off in his car when he sees... well...  
I know Watase-sama will resolve everything in the end, and in a much more neater  
and creative fashion, but I am a notoriously impatient fangirl, hence this fic.   
  
  
For Laurel-chama who is as devoted a Kouki/Tanpopo fan as I am ^_^.   
  
  
Please do not archive this fanfic without permission.   
  
  
  
VERY Rough Draft: January 9, 2001  
  
  
I know that someday you're gonna want me to want you  
When I'm in love with somebody new  
You expect me to be true and to go on wanting you  
Although I'm feeling blue  
You think I can forget you.  
  
Until someday you know you're gonna want me, baby, to want you  
When I'm in love, when I'm in love with somebody new  
And though you don't want me   
You don't want me now,  
You know I'll get a love somehow  
And then I won't want you.   
  
Although you do not want me now  
Oh listen, baby,  
I'm gonna get a love somehow  
And then I won't want you.  
  
  
-Someday (You'll Want Me To Want You)  
Lyrics and music by Jim Hodges   
  
  
  
Kugyou Kouki had never wanted anything in his life. During moments of lonely   
introspection, which occured more and more frequently as time passed until   
they weren't moments at all but interminable periods of drawn-out depression,   
he'd begun to realize that he didn't even want his life or, to be more precise,   
the life he was supposed to be living. That realization only transformed his   
vague awareness of internal melancholy to a raging conscious resentment of its   
source, that is to say, himself. There must be something wrong with him, he   
argued, simply because he had everything and he wanted none of it, and only a   
fool or a freak would want to want nothing. But was he really to blame for that?   
A person could only want that which he did not have, but there was _nothing_   
Kugyou Kouki didn't have. Looks, money, position, intelligence, charm, etcetera.   
He had it all and more, as the saying went.   
  
So what else was there to want?   
  
It was not as if he didn't try. When he was a child, he used to deliberately buy   
toy cars with parts missing just so he could mope in an agonized state of thwarted   
desire at home. But it never lasted for long because his parents would inevitably   
notice that his closet was filled with random mismatched wheels and screws and   
various heads and socketless arms and before he knew it, he would find boxes and   
boxes of toys--whole, of course--on his bed and, his closet swept clean and he would   
be back right where he started. When he reached middle school, he shifted his attention   
to books and serials, but had to desist again when his father caught him carefully   
tearing the concluding pages out of his textbooks and collected novels. After that,  
he'd switched his attention to gardening, but he couldn't bring himself to nip  
his flowers in the bud, not even out of perversity. Watching them grow and blossom   
gave him a sense of completion, somehow made him feel part of something actually  
meaningful. They were his one consolation, reassuring him that he still had the  
capacity to want.   
  
But even flowers died, and how could one continue wanting dead things?   
  
And so he gave up. Irrevocably, he told himself. There was no use trying to want  
something when everything would do if utterly devoid of meaning to someone  
like him. No use at all.   
  
Until he met Yamazaki Tanpopo.   
  
And he began to think that the problem wasn't really in himself, but in what he had.   
  
It was not that he didn't want anything because he had everything.   
  
He just had the wrong things.   
  
  
  
"Kugyou-kun!"  
  
He opened the car door blindly, ignoring her cries. The handle slipped under his  
trembling fingers and he cursed. He pounded on the window, shouting at Sakata. The  
driver came out of the car immediately, his face pale with concern and fear as he  
approached his employer. Kouki had no memory of getting inside the car or of Sakata  
driving away from the flower shop. Instead, his mind kept replaying the image of  
her standing on the pavement, soft brown eyes gone wide with surprise and another  
strange less discernible emotion. Pity probably, he thought bitterly. She must have  
seen the expression on _his_ face clearly when he saw her embracing his brother...  
  
Kouki's hands clenched on his lap. He felt like a complete and utter fool. In fact,  
he _was_ a fool. To have listened to Erika. To have come rushing to _her_ without  
coherent thought or hesitation because he suddenly had to tell her... Tell her what?   
That he was so sorry he didn't give her the white rose? That if she would only   
ask him again he would tell her...   
  
Tell her what?  
  
That she was special.  
  
That she made him happy.   
  
It was then he realized with a sort of sad exhilaration that he wanted Yamazaki Tanpopo.   
More than anything or anyone else in the entire world. Quite desperately, with an   
intensity which frightened and weakened him.   
  
For the first time in his life, he actually wanted something.  
  
Someone.   
  
And he couldn't have her.   
  
  
  
Poplar didn't know what was happening, but he knew it was bad. Very bad, judging from  
the look on his precious mistress' face. And Kouki looked as if he'd been run through  
by something very big and very heavy and if Poplar didn't know better, he could swear  
the poor boy was on the verge of crying. Now that really wouldn't do.   
  
Poplar decided he'd better do something, and do it fast. The boy was already leaving.   
  
He glanced at Tanpopo, who was still crying out Kouki's name, and made up his mind.   
Poplar began to sprint towards the car, eyes focusing on the slowly opening door...   
just one more burst of speed...  
  
And he was in.   
  
  
  
"Kugyou-kun! Wait!" Tanpopo called out frantically, pulling herself away from  
Youji's embrace. She sensed him resist, try to draw her back, and she struggled,  
shouting Kouki's name all the while. She saw Sakata rush out of the car and take   
Kouki's arm, shepherd him quickly into the back seat. "Kugyou-kun!" she cried  
again. "Wait, please!"   
  
"Tanpopo-chan," she heard Youji say from behind her, and there was a strange  
note in his voice. "Tanpopo-chan."  
  
She twisted her arm away from his grasp, ignoring the pain as his fingers dug into  
her flesh. She was already running when Sakata began to drive away and as the car  
gained speed while she faltered in her clumsy walking sandals, she knew with a  
sudden acute sense of despair that she could not catch up. Still she continued  
running, filled with a crazy hope that Kugyou-kun would look back, even just   
once.   
  
But he never did.   
  
Her steps slowed and finally came to a stop. She bent down, putting her hands  
on her knees. Her eyes were dimming, and there was a burning sensation in  
her chest. She couldn't breathe, she thought, half in anguish, half in anger.  
  
'Kugyou-kun.'  
  
Why didn't he look back?   
  
Someone touched her shoulder gently and Tanpopo straightened quickly, wiping  
her face with a surreptious motion. She turned to see Youji standing in front  
of her, watching her with an inscrutable expression on his face.   
  
"Youji-san," she said, trying to smile. Instinctively, she held out her hand  
to him. He didn't make a move to take it and she looked down. To her horror,  
she saw that her palm was wet. She snatched it away hurriedly, hid it behind  
her back. She spoke in a quick rush, hoping her voice wouldn't tremble.   
"Oh dear, I must have put my hand somewhere. It's wet. Sorry, Youji-san.  
Uh, well, I didn't expect to see Kugyou-kun. He must have wanted to buy something   
at the flower shop, though he left in such a hurry... why didn't you say hello to   
him, Youji-san? Maybe he was gonna get flowers for Yanahara-san--"   
  
He held up a hand and she fell silent. "I really should have known, shouldn't I?"   
he asked, and the strangeness was in his eyes, too.   
  
Tanpopo stared down at the red rose which lay forgotten on the pavement. She  
wondered when it had fallen. "Known what, Youji-san?" she asked haltingly.   
  
He studied her for a moment longer. "I told you I didn't understand what was  
happening, and that even so, I also thought it was illogical. That you and my  
brother should act around each other like you're..." He shook his head and then   
laughed, but his laughter held a strange note too. Something between wonderment  
and ruefulness. "What was I _thinking_? It's not just illogical. It's crazy!"   
He laughed again.   
  
His laughter rankled. "What?" she snapped. "Stop laughing, Youji-san." And when  
he wouldn't stop, she took a step towards him, hand upraised. "I said stop   
laughing!" she screamed.   
  
Youji sobered then, but a smile still lingered on his lips. This time, he  
took her hand in his. "Come now, Tanpopo-chan," he said gently and his voice  
reminded her so much then of Kouki she nearly cried. "That isn't like you."  
  
And she realized, again to her horror, that she _was_ crying. "I--I'm sorry,"  
she choked out. "I--"   
  
Youji drew her to him, embracing her. She tensed and tried to pull away. He  
didn't make any move to stop her but instead held her loosely, like an older  
brother. After a moment, she relaxed against him and she felt him smile against  
her hair. "You're in love with my brother, aren't you?"   
  
The simple question hit her hard. She took a deep breath to keep from crying  
again.   
  
"I'm happy for him," she said and winced as his fingers bit into her shoulder.   
  
"That's not what I want to know," Youji said. "Well? I can't help you if you  
won't tell me the truth. Do you love him?"   
  
She didn't answer. He tightened his hold on her. Tanpopo began to struggle.  
"None of your business, surely, Youji-san," she muttered.   
  
"I'll be the judge of that," he said evenly. He paused and then said in a  
more hesitant tone, as if he were discussing something which he really didn't  
want to but had no choice otherwise, "Kouki is a good person, Tanpopo-chan.   
He might seem aloof or unapproachable sometimes, but he's just really very shy.   
He doesn't show his feelings easily because he's been disappointed over and over   
again by our parents and, well, by me. We were never around for him, now that   
I think about it, and he must have been... he must have been very lonely."   
Youji paused and when he spoke again, his voice held remembered pain and  
regret. "But _he's_ always been there for me. When I ran away because I   
couldn't take the responsibilities of being my parents' son, he took on the   
blame on himself. And when he had every right to be angry with me and never   
want to see me again, he kept on searching for me. I think he believed that   
if he could find me, he'd get another chance at, well, at a _life_, you know?"   
  
Tanpopo didn't answer.   
  
"And when he did find me, I made the choice for him again. So here I am  
living my life as a carefree photographer, and Kouki's back to being a  
dutiful son and living a straitjacket life." Youji took a deep breath.  
"I think what I'm trying to say to you is that all his life, Kouki had  
never known what it feels like to make choices and decisions for himself.  
He always has to think about others first. It's always what they want,  
and what he could do for them. I think that because of that, he's somehow   
fooled himself into believing that what they want is what he wants, too.   
You understand what I'm saying?"   
  
A long pause and then Tanpopo nodded against his chest. The movement was  
so small as to be almost imperceptible, but it was there. Youji smiled  
at her downbent head. "So when he finally found something he really   
wanted, he didn't know what to do with it. Or... or maybe he did, but  
then his brother had to interfere again and well... Tanpopo-chan, please  
think about it. Kouki is a vulnerable guy. He needs all the help and  
strength he can get and I think by now he's discovered he can't get them  
from me." Another short and oddly sad pause. "Give him a chance to choose,  
this time," Youji said earnestly.  
  
"But he doesn't want _me_," she whispered.  
  
"Tanpopo-chan--"  
  
She shook her head. "I'm not rich. I'm not pretty. I'm not accomplished  
like Yanahara-san," she said, her voice catching. "So I thought if I could  
just be his friend, I would be so happy... But that's not true anymore."  
  
This time, it was Youji who didn't speak, only held her closer.  
  
"And if he wanted me, why did he leave? I called him. I called him so many  
times, Youji-san." She finally broke down and clung to him, like a child.  
Her tears soaked his jacket and brushed her skin in a cold damp caress.   
"I called him."   
  
'He didn't even look back.'   
  
  
  
For the first time in his entire life, Aoi had left his knives at home. His mother   
had reasoned that he couldn't very well conduct decent conversations with other   
people when he kept holding them at knifepoint. Aoi had let the lecture pass him  
by to please his mother whom he loved dearly, but still, if only she'd realize  
how fun it was talking to people when they were frightened out of their wits.   
One learned the darnedest things, not to mention saved time.   
  
"Sir?"  
  
He pressed the button to lower the partition glass. "Yeah?" He hated being driven   
around like some freak on a circus trailer, but he wanted to make a good impression.  
  
"The guard said Yanahara-san isn't receiving visitors today," the driver, Ikari,   
answered, a bit carefully. He'd known Aoi since the latter was a kid, and he'd read   
in a magazine that manic tendencies only increased with age to the point of actual  
psychosis. Aoi was living proof of that claim. He believed in it devoutly.   
  
Aoi smiled sweetly. "Tell him if he doesn't let us in peacefully, we'll drive right   
through the gates. Or I could crack the security system of the mansion from my  
laptop and then we'll see what'll happen."   
  
His driver nodded in resignation and began to turn away.  
  
"On second thought," Aoi said pensively. "Just tell him I'm a friend of Miss Yanahara's  
fiance and that he asked me to come here. We're all going out for dinner." He nearly  
choked on the last words.   
  
Ikari blinked. "Er, really, Sir?"   
  
"Would I lie to you, Ikari?" Aoi said, endeavoring to look affronted. He leaned  
back on his seat as his message was relayed to the also-disbelieving security guard.   
Aoi's hand strayed caressingly towards the laptop which never left his side. If the   
humane and human approach didn't work, he could always bomb the gates. Or even the   
mansion, he thought gleefully. Kouki would probably yell at him for being an irresponsible   
brat and Tanpopo would give him one of her flowery friendship speeches, but they'd probably   
thank him for it later. He was doing it for them and for the sake of his future godchild   
after all, he thought virtuously. That's what friends are for, right?   
  
'Yeah, RIGHT,' Saionji sneered in his mind.  
  
'Right,' he thought emphatically.   
  
Still, he _was_ disappointed when the car was waved through. Maybe some other time   
then.   
  
They stopped at a long curving driveway. Aoi inspected his surroundings from behind the  
sanctuary of his window. He'd already had his binoculars up and ready as they were   
approaching the mansion. Routine surveillance, even if he already had the complete  
blueprints of the entire house stored in his laptop. Still, it was all very nice, but   
then they were talking about Yanahara here. Her family was rumored to be just as rich   
as Kouki's. The perfect match.  
  
'Yeah, right.'  
  
He waited for Ikari to open the door, controlling his urge to just smash his way out  
of the damn limo. Must keep appearances, Saionji had cautioned him. She should know.  
  
Good God, there was actually a butler, Aoi thought, catching sight of that sober-suited  
personage lying in wait for him as he minced his way elegantly up the marble steps and   
into the luxurious receiving room. He thought the species had long been extinct. Ah, well.   
The butler looked ready to whisk him out again. 'Yanahara-sama is not receiving visitors,'  
was the verdict being proclaimed by the implacable frown on the man's face. 'So get out,   
you fool.'  
  
'Yeah, right.' Now to practice a bit of the charm he'd learned from watching Kugyou for   
Buddha knew how long.  
  
"Where is Miss Yanahara?" he demanded imperiously. "I am a friend of Mr. Kugyou.  
We have an appointment."   
  
The butler sized him up for a long moment, glanced at the limo and then a small   
grudging smile finally wreathed his features. "She's in the library, sir."  
  
"Thank you," Aoi answered in a haughty voice.   
  
The library was just off the foyer, the butler explained. Now if Mr. Kyougaku would  
only wait for a few moments while he announced his presence to the young mistress...  
  
"I'll announce myself, thank you," was Aoi's answer.  
  
He did allow the butler to open the door. Erika was in the room, seated in one of  
the enormous arm chairs. Her head was turned away from the door despondently.   
  
So Kugyou had not come? Aoi coughed.   
  
Erika turned around instantly, a smile of delighted welcome warming her pale   
features when she saw Aoi, who was never one to miss an opportunity. He beamed back.   
  
Erika stared at him.   
  
Aoi took advantage of her speechlessness to close the door behind him and usher the  
cowering butler out. "Hi," he said civilly, still keeping the smile stitched on his  
face.  
  
"What are _you_ doing here?" she snapped.  
  
He glared back at her coldly. "I want to talk to you." 'Bitch,' he thought and  
had the satisfaction of seeing her eyes narrow in anger. She had obviously  
read his mind. Good.   
  
"Well, I don't want to talk to you," she said haughtily, holding up her knitting  
to her chest as if he would tear it from her.   
  
With sheer force of will, he stopped himself from grabbing the bread knife which  
lay tantalizingly on the table beside her. Just. He plopped down on a sofa instead,  
as far away from temptation as humanly possible. "I can wait," he drawled.  
  
Erika stared at him. "Why you--you--"   
  
Aoi smiled at her maddeningly. "Or I can pay for your time. How much would thirty  
minutes of your delectable conversation cost?"   
  
"Bastard!" she spat out, venom dripping from her voice.   
  
His eyes widened at that. Well, the little hypocrite had guts, after all. He began   
to warm towards her. "Look, Yanahara-san, I think you know why I'm here so why don't  
we save each other the pain of being polite and get to the point?" he asked patiently.   
Wow, he thought. He actually sounded mature there. Three cheers for him.   
  
Erika, on the other hand, was apparently not in any mood to be reasonable. She  
sat down on the chair opposite him, picked up her knitting and ignored him   
ostentatiously.   
  
He gritted his teeth and tried again. "I asked you before and I'll ask it again.  
What did you say to Yamazaki?"   
  
She didn't even look at him.   
  
"Do you know she's been avoiding us?" Aoi asked.   
  
Again no answer.   
  
"Yanahara-san?" He cleared his throat. "Please?"  
  
Wrong move. She not only didn't answer him, but she had the temerity to  
smile at him as if he were a miserable dog begging its mistress's pardon for being  
naughty.   
  
Well, Aoi told himself resignedly, he tried. He really did, but some people just  
needed to feel pain to see the light. He thought about making a lunge for the  
bread knife--even her knitting needles would do--but then sat back again when  
he remembered there was more than one way to skewer people.   
  
He opted for a look of urgent concern. "Kugyou is upset."  
  
Yeah, that got her. Right on target. Aoi decided to stab in a bit deeper. "He's  
been following her around school, didn't you know?" he crooned. "I have surveillance  
cameras all over the place. I've seen him. He looked sooooo miserable."   
  
Erika's fingers tightened on her needles as if she wanted to throw them at Aoi.  
  
Well, baby, give it your best shot. "And one day, Saionji told me she saw  
Kugyou talking to Yamazaki's picture in the garden, saying he missed her and  
would she please tell him what's wrong and all that." Aoi shook his head  
mournfully. "It's kinda heartbreaking, you know?"  
  
Her response was an inarticulate hiss.   
  
"So," Aoi smiled. "Since you're his fiancee and you of all people should do your  
best to make him feel better and help him when he's sad... I think you should  
go to Yamazaki and talk her into talking to Kugyou again so he'd be a happier  
man and the world would be a beautiful place to live in once more."   
  
Erika was shaking with rage. The knitting needles lay broken on the floor and  
she was towering over Aoi, hands clenched into fists at her side. Her face was  
a volcanic shade of red. Aoi began to worry that he'd pushed the twerp too far.   
"All right," she snapped through gritted teeth. "You want to know why that  
little bitch is staying away from you? It's obvious she's realized her place.  
And at long last, too."   
  
That was not the answer he had been expecting. "What?"  
  
Erika thundered on ruthlessly. "She's trash. That's it. A piece of garbage more  
suited to those dirty whoring houses than Meio School. Could you imagine someone  
like Kouki-san associating with someone like _her_?" She sneered. "I could  
understand why _you_ would find her attractive since your tastes are very obviously  
depraved, not to mention cheap and--"  
  
The door swung open suddenly and Kouki stood in the doorway. Aoi sighed, half in  
relief, half in exasperation. He'd come about a finger's breadth to strangling  
the snobbish little life out of the good Yanahara-san. And then he looked at Kouki's   
face and he could have crowed in satisfaction.   
  
He'd heard.   
  
Ready, aim...  
  
"Kugyou-kun!" Erika cried out and sped towards him. Aoi watched in disgust as she  
flung her arms around Kouki's neck like they were a pair of tweezers.   
  
"What are you doing here?" Kouki asked, staring at Aoi. His eyes looked hollow and   
his face was deathly pale. And he was making no move whatsoever to disengage himself   
from the obnoxious clinging parasite.   
  
Aoi frowned. That didn't sound like Kouki. He wondered for a horrified moment if   
Erika had somehow poisoned his friend. If so, he would really kill the bitch. Or   
maybe he should call Tanpopo first and they could stab her together with a trowel.   
"Just stopping by," he said casually and casually still, he stepped closer to Kouki,   
peering at him.   
  
"Now, _what_ are you doing?" Kouki demanded.   
  
He was certainly coherent. That was a good sign. "I wanted to have a chat with  
your fiancee, and to invite both of you to dinner." He smiled widely. "My treat,  
of course. In celebration of your engagement and everlasting love and--"  
  
"Right," Kouki said flatly.   
  
Erika glared at Aoi. "Kouki-san, that--that man just came barging into the house   
and threatened me!"  
  
Aoi blinked innocently. "I did?"   
  
"He told me you didn't care about me and that you were interested in Yamazaki,"  
Erika sniffled against Kouki's chest. "Please tell him to stop it, Kuoki-san.  
I don't think I can bear it anymore." She pushed herself closer to Kouki. If that was  
even possible, Aoi thought. She was plastered to him like wet cement on pavement.   
"You told me you wouldn't leave me. Right, Kouki-san? You told me you wouldn't   
leave me!"   
  
"Yes," Kouki said mechanically.  
  
Erika shot Aoi a look of triumph, her pretty face smug.   
  
There was something very pathetic--not to mention suspicious--going on here, Aoi  
thought. Kouki looked like he was sleepwalking and he didn't even seem to mind that  
a living nightmare had attached itself onto his anatomy.   
  
"I saw Yamazaki," Kouki said in much the same way that a doctor pronounced a patient  
dead.   
  
This time, Aoi's surprise was genuine. Kouki had gone to see Tanpopo?   
  
Erika's eyes narrowed into slits, though her voice still dripped sweetness and  
light. "And?"  
  
Kouki nodded. "I won't leave," he said in that strange wooden voice he'd been  
using since he came into the room.   
  
Time for damage control, Aoi thought, shooting Erika a cold assesing look. He plopped   
down on the sofa again, dragging Kouki away from Erika and onto the seat beside  
him. "That's a relief," he sighed and beamed at the glaring Erika. "Now we can all   
relax and have fun together, ne?"   
  
Erika stared at him suspiciously. "And just what do you mean by that?"   
  
"Well, for starters, do you think we could have a drink? It's really hot," Aoi simpered,  
hoping he sounded inane, idiotic and, thus, now rendered harmless. "I'm not used to  
this heat. And I think Kugyou needs to get some food into him." He nudged Kouki. "Right,  
pal? Squaring off with Yamazaki obviously took a lot of your strength, you macho you."   
  
He could sense Erika tense, ready to spring. He needed to sidetrack her and fast.  
'Come on, Kugyou. Help me out here.'   
  
Kouki gave them a blank look. "Yeah," he said when Aoi dug his elbow in desperately.   
  
Erika's face had softened into a look of concern as she took in Kouki's pallor. "Okay.  
I'll get you something to drink, Kouki-san," she said gently. "Just stay here, okay?   
I'll be right back." She fluttered her way out of the door.   
  
The girl was impossible. But she also looked--and sounded--sincere, at least where  
her fiance was concerned. Aoi realized then that she really did love Kouki. Aoi had   
a moment to feel sorry for the twit when the door swung open again and she poked her   
head into the room.   
  
"And Aoi-san," she said sweetly. "Your driver's already at the front door. The  
poor man looks soooo harassed. It must be because of the heat. Don't keep him   
waiting, ne?"   
  
On second thought...  
  
  
Aoi didn't waste time dislodging the opening volley.  
  
"Okay, Kugyou. Cards on the table. Now!" he barked. "What did you do to Yamazaki?"  
  
Kouki looked a bit stunned but alert. Perfect. Just what he was aiming for.  
"Well?!" he snapped again, trying to back Kouki into a verbal corner so he wouldn't   
have any recourse left but to scream his snit out. "Come on, man. Time is of the   
essence here. Answer quickly before your damn fiancee returns and I kill her with   
pleasure. What. Did. You. Do. To. Yamazaki?"   
  
Kouki's face darkened in anger. Well, good. He was finally getting a reaction.   
"Correction," Kouki snapped back viciously. "I didn't do anything to her. You should   
ask her what _she_ did."   
  
Ah-ha.   
  
Aoi decided to shift tactics. He moved closer to Kouki, like he'd seen guidance  
couselors do when they were trying to establish--what was that again?--rapport.  
"What did she do?" he asked, keeping his tone gentle and understanding. He  
thought he sounded like a screeching chicken in its death throes.   
  
Kouki was silent for so long Aoi was starting to think he might have to go back  
to sledgehammering. And then, "She was with my brother," Kouki said very very   
softly. "I found them together."   
  
Aoi blinked. "What?"   
  
"You heard me," Kouki said and slumped back onto the couch. "Now I know what she's  
been doing behind our backs."   
  
It took a moment to register. "Why, Kugyou, you're jealous!" Aoi trilled thoughtlessly.   
  
"No! No way!" Kouki yelled, his face turning red. "I'm not! I'm just... I'm just   
disappointed."   
  
"Oh?"  
  
Kouki clasped his hands tightly in front of him and leaned forward, as if he  
were praying. "He's not for her," he said, the savagery in his voice at odds  
with his posture. "The little fool. She's in for it this time and let's see  
if she doesn't regret... Damn her. I don't care."   
  
"Oh," said Aoi.  
  
"He'd just leave her, like he left everyone else," Kouki said bitterly. "He'd just   
leave her," he repeated.   
  
"Well," Aoi pointed out reasonably. "You left her yourself."   
  
Kouki stared at him.   
  
Aoi's voice assumed a scathing tone. "They were probably just talking."  
  
"He was embracing her," Kouki seethed.   
  
Aoi rolled his eyes. "So? I do it all the time."  
  
Oops. Wrong move again. Kouki made a sudden convulsive movement towards him. Aoi  
backed away hurriedly. "What I meant was, as friends, you know? It's not like  
you don't hold your friends' hands or hug them or what... No," Aoi said   
sarcastically, "don't answer that. You don't. You're even more of a nutcase than  
I am, right?"   
  
"Kyougaku--"   
  
"So here's our scenario. You go off to see Tanpopo because you learned something  
from your fiancee the twerp about why she's been avoiding us like the plague, and  
that something must be really good because when I came here said fiancee looked  
ready to plunge a knife into my heart." Aoi looked at Kouki expectantly. He took  
the lack of an answer as an encouragement to continue, thanks Kugyou. "And then,"  
Aoi emphasized the words, "you finally find Tanpopo and when you're just about   
ready to fall senseless at her feet and whatever crap it is you do when you're with   
her, what did you see? Your brother was embracing her! Embracing her! Youji who   
I think has the hots for me and is thereby gay was embracing his future sister-in-law   
Tanpopo-chan who, as _you_ should know, would hug a man-eating tiger if it meant they   
could be friends. Wow. Amazing really." Aoi paused. "But was _she_ hugging Youji?"  
  
"I didn't notice," Kouki muttered.   
  
"You were too busy stalking off like a demented rabbit," Aoi said in satisfaction.   
"And now what _did_ she do while you were walking away, you moronic Romeo?"  
  
Another long pause. Aoi waited. "Calling my name," Kouki answered.   
  
"Ha!" Aoi crowed. "And lemme guess. You didn't even bother to look back."  
  
Kouki's face was drawn. "No. I--couldn't."   
  
"So you just upped and left her to what I'd call a miserable fate, based on what  
you said about your brother the wanderer and maybe-gay."   
  
Kouki jackknifed from the sofa and began pacing around the room. "What else could  
I do?" he demanded. His stance was almost painful to look at. Bent and weary, like  
a defeated old man.   
  
This time, the pause was Aoi's.   
  
"You could have tried fighting for her, you know," Aoi said quietly, and there was no   
hint of mockery in his voice. "If you wanted her, you would have done everything to  
get her."   
  
"She doesn't want me," Kouki said hoarsely.   
  
"How would you know?" Aoi shot back. "You didn't even bother to ask, remember?"   
  
Kouki turned away.   
  
Aoi sighed. "Look, Kugyou, I muchly prefer hacking computers and generally scaring  
people than advising lovesick fools like yourself on matters of the gag--heart--gag.   
But it seems to me that you've been very very unfair to Tanpopo-chan. So okay, she  
has her head screwed on wrong, too, but it's not as if she hadn't been trying. I   
think right now she's scared and sorta confused. You gotta help her, if you care  
about her, too. You know? And forget about your brother. I think I can help him change  
his mind."   
  
"But--"  
  
"You gotta fight for the people you want," Aoi said. "And love. Otherwise, the world  
would be a boring place filled with maniacs like me who'd walk all over you   
wimps. You know, like that fiancee of yours. Speaking of the twerp..." He sighed  
as the door began to open again. "Think about it, Kugyou."   
  
"I'm back!" Erika called out cheerfully.  
  
Aoi scowled. "Yeah, whatever."  
  
Erika ignored him and went straight to Kouki, a tray held in her hands. "The   
cake's your favorite, Kouki-san," she said, smiling. "I always have it prepared   
because I never know when you might stop by."   
  
Kouki stared at her wordlessly.  
  
"Kouki-san?"   
  
"I'm sorry, Erika," he said softly and then he was striding out of the door.   
"Tell your parents I'll see them soon." He paused in the doorway, turned and bowed   
at Erika who was still staring at him, mouth agape. "I'm really sorry. But there  
are a few--things I have to do."   
  
"Kouki-san!"  
  
But the door had already closed. Erika gazed at it for a few more minutes and then  
very very slowly turned to Aoi. "You," she spat out.   
  
Aoi wondered if he could make it to the bread knife in time.   
  
  
Kouki hurried down the steps of the Yanahara mansion. The butler followed him  
outside, murmuring polite farewell noises which Kouki only half-heard.   
  
"You'll be dropping by for dinner tonight, sir?" the man--Takashi--inquired   
hopefully. Kouki paused at that and looked at the butler. He'd been with the   
Yanaharas since Kouki was a child, and had watched over both Kouki and his brother   
whenever they visited the house to play with Erika. His brother had been happy then,   
Kouki remembered. So had Erika. And Takashi had been very kind to Kouki who had usually   
been the one left out in the dollhouse games, both Youji's and Erika's favorite.   
Youji had been the Papa, Erika had been the Mama and Kouki had grudgingly played   
the non-role of baby. Takashi had reassured him then that it was the hardest  
part to play of all. He was right.   
  
"I--I don't think so, Takashi," Kouki murmured.   
  
"You won't be coming back, sir?"  
  
He sighed. "I don't know. It depends." He opened the door to the backseat, not  
waiting for Sakata to open it for him.   
  
The butler peered at him owlishly. "Depends on what, sir?" he asked, only mildly  
curious.   
  
"If I would let maniacs walk all over me," Kouki answered, smiling slightly. He  
closed the car door, leaving a very confused-looking Takashi standing on the  
steps. "Let's go, Sakata."   
  
  
Kouki stared out of the car window pensively. Twilight had already fallen and  
the streetlights had been duly lit, a row of brilliant yellow suns in the  
gathering darkness. Sakata had already asked him twice where he wanted to go.   
He didn't think he could bear to go home just then, and he stubbornly refused  
to think about the empty school garden. He didn't want to go there, didn't   
want to think about everything that had happened amidst so many reminders, so  
many memories of Yamazaki.   
  
If only it were as simple as Aoi had made it out to be. 'Just fight for what  
and who you want,' he'd said. If only it were so simple. Then maybe Kouki could  
just grab Yamazaki, drag her into his car and tell Sakata to take them as  
far away from Tokyo as possible. Maybe they could go back to Hokkaido and live  
with Yamazaki's grandparents and tend flowers there in peace. The two of them,  
together. He felt a sudden painful pang of pure happiness at the thought of   
having her all to himself, helping him discover all the things he'd missed   
while growing up in his world of supposed everythings.   
  
But it just wasn't as simple as that. Nothing was ever as simple as that. Living  
the life of a boy who had everything had taught him instead the pain of wanting   
_nothing_ when he'd realized that not even his everything lasted. Toys break down,   
books fall apart... people you loved leave you. Kouki's eyes darkened. And there  
it was, what Kyougaku didn't understand. What was the use of fighting for the  
one you wanted, when that one didn't--couldn't--want you back? And even if they  
did, what would stop them from leaving you when they found they wanted someone  
else _more_?   
  
He would be alone again.   
  
He didn't think he could bear that, not from Yamazaki. He still brooded over the   
uncomfortable realization that she had somehow made the leap from being yet another   
something he couldn't afford to want, to being everything he had ever wanted and   
would always want.   
  
No, he thought sadly, seeing her again in his mind's eye, embracing his brother.  
  
'I couldn't bear it.'   
  
Maybe he should just go home.   
  
Something rustled beneath his seat and Kouki tensed. He wondered for an awful  
moment if Kyougaku had somehow slipped into his car without anyone noticing.  
If so, he would boot him out and immediately at that. He didn't doubt Aoi  
would launch into yet another of his twisted version of advice columns, and  
Kouki was in no mood to listen.   
  
He just wanted to be alone now.   
  
"Kon!"   
  
Kouki's eyes widened. "Poplar?!"  
  
The fox smiled at him happily. "Kon!"   
  
He picked Poplar up. "What are you doing here?" How did the animal get into the  
car? And did Tanpopo know about this?   
  
To his surprise, Poplar latched on to his neck, snuggling against him. He patted  
the animal hesitantly, feeling the warmth of its soft fur against his fingertips.   
He remembered the first time he had seen Poplar, tucked against Tanpopo like  
some sort of warding shield. He'd been wondering what kind of girl would carry  
a fox around her in an exclusive district when she'd suddenly hurt her knee and   
he'd had the opportunity to see for himself. Later, he had wondered why he'd  
taken so much trouble to help a complete stranger. If he had known that she  
would also completely mess up his entire life, he'd probably have run away  
while he had the chance, fox or no fox.   
  
But she had such a beautiful smile.   
  
Poplar began to croon against his neck. It sounded something like the tune   
Yamazaki loved to hum to herself when she thought she was alone. Only once  
had he ever heard her hum it with people around, and that was when both of  
them were alone in the garden. He'd felt uncomfortable then, like he was peeping  
into some sort of keyhole into herself, and he'd begged her to please "stop   
that absurd noise at once!" But she'd only smiled, patted his hand and told   
him it was one of her favorite songs and that her mother had taught it to her   
when she was little. They called it the friendship song. She used to sing it  
all the time when her mother was 'there' but now, she only sang it when  
she was alone, with Poplar, or when she was in the company of people she really  
cared about. And then she'd smiled at him more and began humming again. He'd  
been too flabbergasted to complain.  
  
She cared about him?   
  
"Well, we're friends, Kugyou-kun," she'd told him patiently as if she were   
stating a scientific and inviolable fact.  
  
Friends.  
  
He remembered now how hard he'd tried _not_ to be her friend. He'd ignored her,  
insulted her and generally dismissed her like she was some paid servant whenever  
she tried to approach him, but _she_ never stopped. Not on wanting to be his  
friend, not on everything else.   
  
'Friends laugh with you, they cry with you. They talk about things that are   
bothering you and sometimes they're strict with you but only because they have  
to. But they're also always there to support you in everything.'  
  
She'd given him so much, now that he thought about it. A place where he could find  
solace and even be happy in school, a group of friends whom he was starting to  
believe gave a damn about him, and her own undemanding acceptance of who and what  
he was.   
  
She never gave up on him so why should he give up on her?   
  
'We're friends, Kugyou-kun.'   
  
Yamazaki was _his_ friend, he realized and he wondered why he didn't see that  
before. Even if things didn't work out the way he wanted them to now, Yamazaki  
would still be his friend, and he hers.  
  
And wasn't that worth fighting for?   
  
Poplar raised his head and stared at Kouki, as if sensing the direction his   
thoughts had taken. "Kon?" he asked very gently.   
  
"I think it's time I brought you home," Kouki said and he smiled. He felt better  
about himself, all of a sudden, and somehow comforted, deep down.   
  
Poplar beamed at him. "Kon!"   
  
  
Youji stared up at the windows of Tanpopo's apartment. They were brightly-lit and  
he could see Tanpopo's shadow flitting from room to room. She was probably worried  
sick over Poplar who had mysteriously disappeared while they were visiting the   
flower shop. They had gone to all the police stations in the district and  
visited all the animal clinics they could in the course of the afternoon, but  
in the end, no Poplar. Youji had finally persuaded Tanpopo to return to her  
apartment. He had managed to bully her into eating soup and crackers before she'd  
recovered enough to ask him to leave.  
  
"I'm sorry Youji-san," she'd said quietly. "And thank you very much for everything  
you've done for me."   
  
And to think he had been planning to steal her from his brother... Youji turned   
away and walked towards the parking lot, shaking his head wryly. He could see now   
that it would be impossible, not to mention thoroughly impractical. Youji was a man   
who had always gotten what he wanted, and he'd been proud of it and of himself. But   
now he wasn't so sure. There were some things which simply weren't worth having,   
and some things which one had to give up for the sake of other more important   
things which _were_ worth having.   
  
Like Tanpopo-chan, for instance.   
  
Like his brother.  
  
A sleek black car swished to a sudden graceful stop in front of him. Youji blinked.  
It looked awfully familiar. The car door opened and a small also awfully familiar  
fox shot out.   
  
"Poplar?" Youji exclaimed. "Where the hell did you go to?!"  
  
"He was with me." The sound of a car door slamming shut, and then Kouki was  
standing in front of Youji.  
  
'Oh, hell.'  
  
Youji stared at his brother. Kouki stared back at him. There was no trace of  
discernible anger in his eyes. Hell, there was no trace of anything at _all_ in   
his face. So, Youji thought sadly, this is what I've done to him. The Kouki  
he remembered was a very generous and loving boy. Not a walking talking   
expressionless mask. But he could still do something about that now. Not much,  
probably, but he--they--had to start somewhere.   
  
"Hi," he said cheerfully. "How have you been?"  
  
Kouki didn't answer.  
  
Not good, obviously. Youji continued smiling. "I saw you a while ago in front   
of the flower shop. Why you'd rush off so quickly? Tanpopo-chan was upset.  
She thinks you're angry with her."  
  
Ah, that got to him. Kouki's hand began to clench into a fist... and then  
relaxed. "None of your business," Kouki muttered.   
  
"Oh yes it is," Youji declared.   
  
"Because of Yamazaki?" Kouki looked at him squarely then and Youji caught a   
glimpse of palpable hurt and confusion in his eyes before his face closed  
up again.   
  
It was at times like these that Youji really regretted that he'd ever run   
away. Or that he didn't take Kouki with him when he did. "No," he answered softly.   
"Because of you." He took a deep breath. "Kouki, there's nothing going on between   
me and Tanpopo." And when Kouki's mouth set into a disbelieving line, Youji amended,   
"Not, of course, that I don't--did not--want to. She's a wonderful girl. I could  
have fallen in love with her very easily."   
  
"But you didn't."   
  
Kouki still sounded suspicious. "No," Youji answered and he knew it was  
true. "I didn't. Because I knew you--I knew she was important to you."  
  
"That's never stopped you before," Kouki returned bitterly and Youji felt  
a pang of pain when he realized what his brother was really talking about.  
  
"I'm sorry," he answered haltingly. "Kouki, I'm sorry... Look," he rushed on   
in a burst of desperation, stumbling over the words in a hurry to get them out,  
"I know I've given you no reason to trust me, but I hope you'd believe me this   
time. Tanpopo is my friend, nothing more. I _do_ want to get to know her better   
partly for herself, partly because I hoped she could--she could be my connection   
to you and..." He faltered at Kouki's silence. He wasn't getting through. Damn.   
Youji took another deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is, won't you give me   
another chance? Please, Kouki? Won't you trust me again? Just this once?"  
  
"Kon," Poplar mewled.   
  
Kouki studied him for a few moments longer and then a smile began to tug at  
the corners of his mouth. "I don't think I have a choice, do I, Oniisan?"   
he asked in a quiet voice.   
  
Youji expelled his breath in relief. But it wasn't over yet. "Kouki," he  
said earnestly. "I don't want you to say 'yes' just because you think I want  
you to say 'yes,' understand?"   
  
Kouki began to frown. Youji hurried on. "What I meant was, you should only answer  
'yes' because you really want to, and not because I want you to. You have to   
_want_ to trust me, Kouki. Well?"  
  
Kouki didn't answer for so long Youji half-feared he'd botched it for good  
this time. But then his brother began to shake his head and he was--Youji   
stared--laughing? "I'll think about it then also, Oniisan."   
  
"Wait!" Youji called out as Kouki scooped Poplar up into his arms and  
started walking towards the apartment block. "Can I--" He cleared his  
throat. "Can I be your friend, too?"   
  
Kouki spared him a glance over his shoulder. "Maybe" he quipped.   
  
Youji ran after him. "So I'll take that as a yes?"   
  
  
Tanpopo peered through the curtains again. Youji had gone, she realized,   
only slightly surprised and a lot relieved. She'd seen him loitering in the   
parking lot, obviously waiting for some sign from her. She couldn't imagine   
what. She didn't have the heart to imagine _anything_ at all at this point.   
Poplar was gone, she couldn't talk to Kugyou-kun anymore...  
  
She bit her lip to keep from crying again. What was the use? She still had  
Poplar to worry about and she had no time to mope in a corner and tell herself  
she was happy for Kugyou-kun, really she was, because she wasn't. Youji was  
right. It _was_ crazy... pretending that Kouki was nothing to her, that   
everything was okay and that she could simply turn around and walk away from  
a friendship which meant more to her than anything else in the entire world.   
  
'Yeah, right,' as Tsuki-chan would say.   
  
The buzzer rang. She looked at the door, hesitated and then plodded towards it  
wearily. Maybe it was Youji. Maybe he'd found Poplar. If so, she could now  
go to bed with the slightly lower probability of waking up insane to reassure   
her. If not, she could just send Youji away again and take her chances alone.  
  
She swung the door open. And gasped.   
  
Kouki stood in the doorway. He was holding something in his arms. "Hi," he   
said softly.  
  
Tanpopo stared at him wordlessly. The something in his arms began to move  
and unfurl itself into a pair of large brown eyes, a happy smile and  
a huge waving yellow tail. It promptly launched itself into Tanpopo's arms.  
  
"Kon!"  
  
And Tanpopo burst into tears.   
  
  
"Hey, Sakata," he said casually as he slid into the back seat.   
  
Sakata's jaw dropped open. "Master YOUJI?!"   
  
"Is it okay if you chaffeur me around for the evening?" He grinned. "I doubt  
my brother will want to leave any time soon."   
  
Sakata saluted crisply, returning his grin. "Yes, sir! Where to?"   
  
Youji leaned back, luxuriating in the feel of the soft upholstery. Hmmm... Maybe  
he could get used to this again, after all. "The flower shop," he answered,  
still smiling. "Please, Sakata."   
  
  
'This is insane,' Tanpopo thought. 'I have to stop.'   
  
But the tears just kept on coming. She hugged Poplar closer to her, burying her  
face in his fur. She sensed his alarm, felt him trying to twist around so he  
could look at her, but she wouldn't let him. Not now.   
  
She was waiting for Kouki to leave.  
  
But then she felt something warm brush against her cheek and hair, and then the  
warmth was on her neck, her face, wrapping its arms around her back and drawing  
her in as Kouki embraced her. She let _her_ arms fall away; Poplar took the   
opportunity to jump off, but she was too shocked to notice.   
  
"Yamazaki," Kouki whispered. "I'm sorry."   
  
"Ku--Kugyou-kun," she stammered through her tears, trying to pull away. "Please,   
don't." She couldn't seem to think or act coherently anymore when she was with him,   
least of all when he was _this_ close. She would end up saying things she shouldn't  
really say, she thought fearfully. And then he would know what she felt about him  
and how could she face him after that? She had no right. She was just a friend, not  
his--  
  
"I don't really know what's been happening, or why you won't talk to me and--and  
stuff. So I... But I know I didn't help you any or what... It's just that things   
have been so--so--crazy ever since I found my brother and--and I--well--"   
  
He was stumbling over his words. And he actually sounded nervous. Tanpopo froze,   
wondering what was happening _now_. She felt him sigh against her.   
  
"I should have tried harder, I guess," he said, his voice pensive and somewhat  
calmer. "But you weren't being very honest with me, too, and so I thought I  
must have done something or said something to scare you off. And that scared  
_me_. You were the only person who ever really talked to me, you know? The rest  
just sort of kissed ass and all that shit and never really cared what I thought.  
So when you began acting like you didn't care, I got to thinking there must  
be something seriously wrong with me. I mean _you_ just left." Hurt and remembered  
bitterness edged his voice and she winced guiltily.   
  
"Kugyou-kun--"  
  
"But I never told you that, right? I guess I've given you nothing but crap and  
I don't really deserve you but I want you to know now that I'm not about to  
give up on you. So... So don't give up on me," he finished pleadingly. "You  
can't just walk away from me without saying _anything_, Yamazaki. I won't let   
you."  
  
'What about Yanahara-san?'   
  
She fought the urge to ask the question aloud, realizing now that it wasn't  
the time and the place. Or was it even necessary to ask it at _all_? Maybe Youji  
was right this time as well. Maybe she'd been worrying about the wrong things.  
Or maybe...  
  
Maybe she just hadn't trusted Kouki enough.   
  
She'd only been thinking about herself, Tanpopo thought with mingled shock and  
guilt. All the time she'd been going around pretending that everything was   
all right in _her_ world, she had been hurting him, and just at the time when  
he probably needed help the most. After all her talk about being there for   
one's friends, and supporting them when one could, she'd abandoned ship at the   
first sign of trouble.   
  
Aoi was right. She _was_ a self-duping hypocrite.   
  
Yanahara-san, or what she herself felt for Kouki, didn't really matter now.   
What was important was that she must come through for Kouki as his friend. If he  
didn't love her, she knew now from his words that he needed her. And for a friend,   
that should be enough.   
  
"I missed you, Yamazaki."   
  
She pulled away slightly and looked up at him fully for the first time. His face  
was so close to hers she could see the golden flecks in his dark eyes. She saw  
vulnerability there, and complete sincerity.   
  
"I missed you too, Kugyou-kun."   
  
Overwhelming relief flooded his features. He gave her a weak lopsided grin.   
"So, do you think we could start all over again and be friends?"  
  
She smiled then. "We _are_ friends, Kugyou-kun," she said softly.   
  
"I know that," he answered in all seriousness. "I mean, for real, this time."  
You be honest with me, I'll be honest with you. No more hiding around, okay?"   
  
Tanpopo nodded, her heart lightening for the first time in what seemed like   
years. "Okay."   
  
He flushed and averted his gaze. "There are--there are other things I want to tell   
you, but they'll have to wait."   
  
'They'll have to wait.'   
  
Tanpopo smiled again. "Okay," she repeated. "I'll wait."   
  
"Ask me again in a couple of weeks," Kouki said hurriedly, as if afraid she'd  
change her mind.   
  
"I think I will," said Tanpopo, still smiling. She just couldn't seem to stop, but  
this time, she was glad of it.   
  
"And in the meantime..." Kouki bent down and picked up a large shopping bag which  
had been lying forgotten in the corridor. "I bought some things at the small grocery downstairs," he said somewhat awkwardly. "I thought you might like to have some dinner."   
  
Tanpopo burst out into delighted laughter. At that moment, he seemed more real and   
more approachable to her than ever before. He wasn't Kugyou Kouki, rich student   
and most eligible bachelor of the year, anymore. He was just Kouki. Her Scoop-kun.   
"Really, Kugyou-kun!"   
  
"I cook a mean spaghetti," he quipped hopefully.   
  
Tanpopo opened the door wider for him, letting him pass through. "I can't wait,"  
she said softly.   
  
  
Erika stared up at her ceiling blankly. Her parents had already come, bringing  
her dinner, but she'd locked the door and wouldn't talk to them. She didn't  
want to talk to _anybody_, not to her parents, not to the servants, not to that   
maniac Kyougaku. She only wanted to talk to Kugyou-san and he so very obviously   
didn't want to talk to her anymore. A tear slipped down her cheek and Erika wiped   
it away angrily. She should have known it would end like this. Why did she even   
_dare_ hope things would be better now?   
  
It was time she stopped believing in fairy tales. There were no happy endings  
for someone like her. They were for people like Yamazaki who would never know  
what it felt like to be left in the dust by those she loved the most in the  
world.   
  
They were not for people like Erika, who were only doomed to be alone.   
  
'I just want to be happy. Is there something wrong with that?'  
  
Maybe there was. When Youji had left her without any word of farewell, it had   
destroyed her. She didn't think she could go on living then, and only Kouki had   
pulled her from the brink. He'd been a friend and he had tried his best to fill   
in the gaping holes Youji's departure had left in her soul. Of course, it was  
not the same and both of them knew it but still, he was _there_ and that was  
the important thing.   
  
Now he, too, was gone.   
  
There was another knock on her door. She ignored it. They would get tired of trying  
after a while, and then they'd leave her alone. They always did.  
  
And then she heard the unmistakeable click of a key being inserted into the  
lock, followed by the sound of the door knob opening then closing with a soft  
thud, and her head twisted around in shock.   
  
Kugyou Youji stood in her doorway, hands behind his back, watching her. She  
hadn't seen him since that fateful day when he'd finally returned to her parents'   
house with Kouki and announced his intention of renouncing the Kugyou fortune. And  
broken her heart all over again.  
  
No one would ever know how much it cost her to stand there and smile at everyone  
and say "Yes, I'm happy for you, Youji-san and I want to be Kouki-san's fiancee.  
Because I don't want you anymore. So you can go. It's okay, really."  
  
Inside, she had been raging. How could he have done that to her? She hadn't  
realized until then just how much she'd been hoping that he would come back and  
that when he did... But he hadn't cared. Not one bit.   
  
"You--" She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. "Youji-san?" She  
sat up in bed, staring at him. "How did you get in here?"  
  
Youji smiled at her and held up his necklace. A key dangled from the chain.  
"You gave me this, remember? Way back when--"   
  
Erika looked away from him. "Yes," she answered bitterly. So he still kept  
that key. So what? "Way back when. Is that why you came back now? To return it to   
me? Well, just put it on the table there and then you can show yourself out."  
  
'Leave me alone.'   
  
The bed shifted as he sat down beside her. Erika tensed, but he didn't touch  
her. He was just there, a warm and comforting presence. She was suddenly  
reminded of the time they'd spent together when they were children. They'd been  
inseparable then. He used to sit in that same spot and tell her beautiful stories   
about what he would do when he grew up. "I'll come and get you and we'll get married   
and then we'll live happily ever after."   
  
How did Saionji-san put it?   
  
'Yeah, right.'  
  
Erika drew her knees closer to her chest. "Why did you leave me?" she whispered.  
It wasn't really what she wanted to say but once the words were out, she found  
she didn't want to take them back.  
  
"I--" He cleared his throat. He seemed to have difficulty speaking and he  
wouldn't meet her gaze.   
  
Her mouth twisted. "Was it because I wasn't good enough for you?" she asked,   
her voice trembling. "I wasn't pretty enough? Not intelligent enough?"   
  
"It's not that--" he began hoarsely.   
  
"I tried to be everything you wanted me to be, Youji," she said painfully.  
"Because I wanted to make _you_ happy. That was all I ever wanted. To make  
you happy." She choked back a sob. "But you didn't want me, obviously. You  
left me. Now I want to know why."  
  
"Erika--"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't want to hear lies from you now. I just--I just  
want to know. And then maybe I could live with myself more," she whispered.   
  
Youji stared at her, his dark eyes somber. In another time and another place  
perhaps, he would have simply gone to her and held her in his arms and soothed  
her ruthlessly, whether she wanted it or not. But now he actually seemed to  
be studying the situation. Listening to _her_.   
  
He spoke gently, "It's not your fault, Erika. No, please, hear me out. It's  
_my_ fault." He took a deep breath. "I had so many dreams. I wanted to see  
the world, to meet people, to be _someone_ and I couldn't do that if I was  
just Kugyou Youji."   
  
"So you left."  
  
"Yes," he answered after a moment's pause. "I left. I shouldn't have just gone,   
I realize that now. But back then I wasn't responsible enough, or brave enough,   
or--"  
  
"And you didn't want me enough," she said sadly.   
  
He didn't answer for a while. And then, "Yes." Another pause. "But only because   
I thought you didn't really care about me. We were together ever since we were   
children and getting engaged seemed to be just another perfectly natural step.   
But it wasn't. I always had this feeling that you stayed with me because you   
saw me in the way you wanted to see me, and not for who I really was."   
  
"That's not true."   
  
Bitterness crept into his voice. "Yes, it is. I know--"  
  
"How would you know? You didn't even ask me, remember? You just left." She sighed,  
trying to keep calm, but the situation was beginning to overwhelm her and her voice  
came in a sobbing rush. "It was you who didn't know _me_, Youji-san. My mistake  
was in believing that you did. I would have done my best to support you. If you'd  
asked me, I would have left with you. Don't you see? The only thing I wanted was  
to be with you and to make you happy. But you didn't even give me a chance."  
  
He looked as if she'd hit him. "Erika--"  
  
She turned away from him then. "Please go," she whispered. "Leave me alone."   
  
There was a long silence and she buried her face on her pillow, not wanting him to  
see her cry. Something soft touched her hair then and she froze. Why wouldn't he  
just go?   
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured.   
  
She heard the bed springs creak as he stood up, followed by the sound of the  
door opening yet again. A soft click, and then she knew with an absolute sense  
of finality that she was alone.   
  
'Goodbye,' the enveloping silence mocked her.   
  
Erika looked up and found herself staring at a huge bouquet of red roses  
which lay next to her head on her pillow. Affixed to it was a card bearing  
her name with another word scrawled right after it in Youji's distinctive  
handwriting.   
  
'Tadaima.'   
  
'I'm home.'   
  
"Youji," she whispered.   
  
  
Aoi closed his laptop reflectively. Now _that_ had been quite a big surprise.   
He'd been expecting something more direct and melodramatic--throwing things   
around, dirty words, the works--given what he knew of Erika's temperament. But  
a lovers' reunion? Oh no. Though Youji leaving all of a sudden had spoiled  
the fun. Apparently, the good Yanahara-san hadn't welcomed him with open arms.  
Well, there must be some way to fix that. Maybe he could kidnap Yanahara and  
Youji, lock them together in a cozy cottage in a deserted island and then feed  
the key to his father's pet shark. Aoi pondered the problem, smiling happily  
all the while. He was beginning to develop an unhealthy fixation on   
romantically-impaired people.   
  
He liked it.   
  
  
  
The spaghetti _was_ good. Poplar curled up on his side, purring contentedly.   
Kouki should come by more often. In fact, Poplar thought, he should just  
live here and then things would be much much happier. Poplar opened one eye  
and peeked at the couple in question. They were standing by the sink,  
laughing and talking animatedly (and what in the world were they singing just   
now?) Kouki was washing the dishes and Tanpopo was drying them with a towel.   
They looked very nice together, Poplar decided. Like they belonged.   
  
Maybe they'd both gotten what they wanted in the end, after all.   
  
  
  
END TAKEN   
  
  
NOTE:  
  
Well, I changed a lot of things, I mean relative to the original story.   
For instance, Tanpopo didn't really call out to Kouki and he didn't stomp off  
so predictably, but artistic license says they did ^^;;. And since I do not have   
the Shocomi issue where Erika and Youji saw each other again, I have no idea how   
their, uh, dynamics go. ^^;; Again, please feel free to correct me. I worked on this  
fic mostly by instinct. And I'm starting to get the horrible feeling that this  
story is more of a Youji/Erika fic than anything else O_O Good Gad. Please. No.   
  
And oh! I know Saionji's speech patterns are of the polite kind and she wouldn't  
be caught dead saying 'yeah, right,' but since she seems to be a pretty   
idiosyncratic character, I thought it wouldn't hurt any to add one more quirk  
to her personality, fanfic-wise XD.   
  
*Some of the quotes were lifted off Tetris no Miko's wonderful translations ^_^.   
Thank you! 


End file.
